Vivian's dev rants.
381 subscribers
104 photos
486 links
Hi there. I'm a general developer and system administator. Mainly do DevOps for public cloud environments.

Dev skills: Java SE/EE, Kotlin, Python, Scala, C, C#, C++, Lua, Ruby, Go and Rust.

Part of @SiliconNetwork

Drop me a message at: @VivLeigh (:
Download Telegram
(':
Shifting my code to linux containers in the cloud. :3
Hey there,

It's maybe been about 3 years since a post was ever in here.

Unfortunately, life has taken a massive toll on me the past few years, physically and mentally. I've been busy with many different projects, playing League (Currently Grandmaster at 701 LP), talking with friends online and just generally being agoraphobic and barely even going outside.

My room is a mess, I have no motivation to even get up most days. Some days I feel like I just need somebody to give me a strong kick in the ass so I can get my shit together.

Trying my hardest to take care of myself whilst at least generating a bit of serotonin around online friends, discord calls, late night story sharing, movies or whatever. To most that would be ideal as it stands, but I feel like I've lost myself somewhere along the way. Like I can't keep going, my entire motivation to do anything has completely waned and dissipated. I'm currently 25 years old and at the stage in life where it feels like it's all.. futile and pointless.

Maybe quantum immortality does exist and there's a different timeline to whoever is reading this, maybe the words are different, maybe our own perception of our consciousness defines the future for each and every one of us. I'm not sure. I go to sleep most nights thinking about the universe, quantum superposition of particles and how they act like waves when not observed and then like particles when they are (A notion from the double slit experiment). Maybe we never die because of quantum immortality for the sole reason that our consciousness cannot perceive not existing.

Not like I can sleep most days anyways. Ate for the first time in three days and took a shower. I'm not sure what it is that's keeping me so down, maybe childhood trauma, being beaten in that I'll never amount to anything no matter what I do, or whatever else.

This is not exactly a dev rant per se. Just letting my mind write things out as I'm laying my naked ass on my bed, like a message in the void.

I'm sorry, to whoever ends up reading this. I love everyone equally.

Happy pride month by the way, from a LGBTQIA+ ally.
Thank you, for all of your kind messages. I never expected to get as many as I did. I appreciate and love all of you.

Fuck Electron btw. It can die in a fiery inferno for all I care. <3