Discovered something disturbing today

Apparently there is a sub completely dedicated to gate keeping the Asexuality label? And they use my ace hero Todd as their image? I’m sex adverse and have not sexual desire but I hate that there is a whole sub devoted to gatekeeping Asexuality for people with no desire. I knew the ‘attraction not action’ thing was kinda controversial but the existence of a whole sub makes me sad. It feels so immature. We are constantly gate kept from other LGBtQ spaces so you’d think we would do it to ourselves.

https://redd.it/1q8lech
@asexualityonreddit

3am thought
https://redd.it/1q8oanp
@asexualityonreddit

Did anyone else think they were Pan before they realized they were actually Ace?

When I was in Highschool I had initially assumed I was pansexual since, as far as I knew at the time, I considered people of every gender to be on the same level of attractiveness and having a relationship was an active choice.

It was later when I was in college that that consideration wasn't because I was pansexual, but because I was asexual and that romantic attraction and general indifference are two separate things and I have never felt the former.

So I'm curious, who else went from thinking they loved everyone regardless of gender to they don't actually care for anyone regardless of gender? I want to see how common it is for people to end up on the Pansexual to Asexual Pipeline.

https://redd.it/1q8noer
@asexualityonreddit

Daily Ace Hangout – Day 3: Where in the world are we? 🌍💜 ✨
https://redd.it/1q8o8mw
@asexualityonreddit

Tips?

I’m a 16 year old virgin girl who hasn’t even had my first kiss yet. I’ve been wondering if I’m asexual for a few months now and I’m really starting to feel like i am. Is there anyway I could subtlety hint to my parents about behind asexual. I find it hard to talk to them and they aren’t really…educated on sexual orientation. I’ve tried to tell my mom I didn’t think I was attracted to people sexually and that I felt different than all of my other classmates when they talk about sex, their experiences, and who they want to have sex with.

So could someone tell me subtle ways to hint to them that I could be ace without them lecturing me about how I’m “just scared” and “I need to just be more outgoing”? Thank u!! 💖

https://redd.it/1q8t3ag
@asexualityonreddit

Does anyone else like to play as aroace characters in games?

(I have no idea what tag to use)

I'm not particularly aromantic but I never liked romancing characters in videogames. It's just so boring to do it, and the only thing you really get with doing it is that your favourite bundle of pixels now stays in the same place as you and is 65% less interesting. I can still find the character interesting and maybe cute but yeaaaah it's not really worth it.


(Also making an aroace character in FNV saves space for two perks)

https://redd.it/1q8r7ty
@asexualityonreddit

Gotta be a fellow Ace setting these prices
https://redd.it/1q8q2kg
@asexualityonreddit

The aspec urge to use complex math when explaining something the majority of people inherently understand
https://redd.it/1q8t0w2
@asexualityonreddit

Am I just forcing myself to be asexual?

I used to be like anyone else. I followed what teachers said—men love women, biology, population growth, etc. I tried to find love, but not by "hunting" for the perfect girl or flirting. Not having a crush didn't necessarily mean I wasn't straight; I just didn't find anyone attractive.

The moment I discovered asexuality and aromanticism, my lifestyle completely changed. I stopped masturbating and watching porn. I stopped searching for that "perfect girl" and stopped engaging in sexual humor with my friends. It’s been a year, but sometimes I feel like I’m just trying to cope or hide under a shell. That feeling is annoying.

Every time I question myself, I doubt if I was even asexual in the first place. I changed my labels last week from demiromantic-cupioromantic to nebularomantic... for asexual labels, actually, my old list of labels is too long, so let’s just say I’ve simplified it to greysexual.

I don’t want to be a "loser" and go back to being a "coomer." I barely feel sexual desire for fictional characters, let alone real humans—but also, "no" at the same time. I’ve started liking a girl in my class. She’s nice; she even drew a cute cat for me when I asked. I don’t want to tell her yet because of that "aromantic urge" to stay unattached. I feel like saying, "I like your personality, can we be friends?" would just result in a confused look.

Should I stop all of this? It’s been stressful and tiring to constantly remind myself that sex "isn't my cup of tea."

https://redd.it/1q90hu5
@asexualityonreddit

Was I wrong in this interaction?
https://redd.it/1q91fqi
@asexualityonreddit

I suddenly realised what ”hot/sexy” meant yesterday and I’m 29 years old

I’ve always thought that ”hot/sexy” were just other words for aesthetic attraction (like having a subjectively pretty face and pretty clothes) and I didn’t realise that it meant ”wanting to do it” just by looking at someone.
I thought people were exaggerating (or pretending to impress others)!
I got shocked that this is an actual thing that people do, looking and fantasising about others, even about strangers that they don’t even know?!
They just have bodies…

https://redd.it/1q9297q
@asexualityonreddit

I suddenly realised what ”hot/sexy” meant yesterday and I’m 29 years old

I’ve always thought that ”hot/sexy” were just other words for aesthetic attraction (like having a subjectively pretty face and pretty clothes) and I didn’t realise that it meant ”wanting to do it” just by looking at someone.
I thought people were exaggerating (or pretending to impress others)!
I got shocked that this is an actual thing that people do, looking and fantasising about others, even about strangers that they don’t even know?!
They just have bodies.

https://redd.it/1q92dre
@asexualityonreddit

First post kinda nervous

Hi, so I have never really used Reddit before so excuse my ignorance but I just have a question about asexuality. I’m pretty positive I am ace but some things have confused me about whether I am or not. Any time I have thought about sex with a man I’m not really interested in it however I am still aroused by men. But only when I know the guy. Like there is this one guy I work with that has caused a serious confusion for me. I’m not sure as to why I am so interested in him but not in sex itself. Like I just want to hug or kiss him but not anything else really. But when it comes to women I tend to be more in favor of sex with them. Some days I just want a connection with someone and a sense of belonging to someone. Other times I do just want to have sex for the simple pleasure factor. I kind of just want to know if anyone else feels the same way or if you’ve had similar experiences as me. 🤷‍♀️

https://redd.it/1q9a84e
@asexualityonreddit

We are absolutely not the same
https://redd.it/1q9d26c
@asexualityonreddit

sounds like a dream to me.
https://redd.it/1q9e0de
@asexualityonreddit

Therapy to start liking sex?

Hey, I know it is Kind of a taboo topic as you are supposed to love and accept yourself for who you are but I really hate being asexual.
I really want to be normal and I am thinking about going to a sex therapist (I did a lot of regular therapy already but my therapist was not very helpful on the sexuality topic). I dont think i can stop being asexual but maybe there is a way to learn to enjoy sex.

So my main question is does anyone have experience with a sex therapist?
I really want to want sex but i dont feel any desire to do it. I think about sex in a curious way but i never get aroused by it. I dont masturbate as i physically dont feel a lot.
Do you think with a sex therapist I could learn to feel desire and arousal somehow?
I am grateful for any insights!

https://redd.it/1q9f9fg
@asexualityonreddit

Hey I have a question

Hey. So I don't identify or label myself as asexual or aromantic and I know their are two different identities. But I know I don't ever wanna have sex or get married or be in a relationship. I wanna write books about women who don't want to do any of that and one of the characters won't wanna label themselves but I do want to write other books where the women would identify and label themselves as aroace. My question is is that okay for me to write about aroace characters if I don't personally identify or label myself as that?

https://redd.it/1q9oupe
@asexualityonreddit

I told my allo husband I’m on the ace spectrum and he reacted perfectly.

A little context: My husband (37M) and I (36F) have been together for 15 years. We’re both cis, white, first responders, and live in a rural area on the west coast in the US. From all outward appearances we are a pretty “normal” hetero couple. We are intentionally child free and that’s sort of the only non traditional thing about us from a on lookers perspective.

For the last 5 years I have considered myself Ace privately. Info I only disclosed to my therapist and primary care doctor. This year I told two close friends with the objective of gaining courage to eventually tell my husband.

It was important to me to tell my husband because about six months ago in therapy I realized that for years I’ve held an unspoken belief that my Ace-ness made me fundamentally unlovable. It was something I needed to hide in order to maintain being loved. This is no way to live and has caused me a lot of turmoil.

After a lot of hand wringing, I finally told my husband last night and his reaction couldn’t have been more perfect. He could tell that I had been agonizing and immediately set me at ease by saying that my being on the Ace spectrum made a lot of sense to him and that it in no way changed our relationship or how he feels about me. He knows me better than anyone and told me that the whole time we’ve been together I have been this way, and he understands it’s just part of who I have always been. The only thing that’s different is we now have a useful word to describe it. I cannot tell you how monumentally affirming this was for me.

He told me that he is so happy that I found a label that gives me relief and lets me accept myself. He said he was sorry that I was nervous to tell him and had been struggling with accepting myself for so long. I have spent most of our relationship feeling like there was something wrong with me and feeling guilty like he was stuck with a broken partner (not in general—only with regards to the sexual part of our relationship). Some years we’ve had zero sex and other years it’s been a few times. I just always felt like he was having to sacrifice to be with me. He told me he doesn’t and has never felt that way about me. Relief is not a big enough word to describe my feelings.

He also communicated something else that was so important. He reassured me that when I give him sensual/physical affection that he does not interpret that as me wanting sex. That I can give him affection and it’s not a loaded action. He really wanted me to know that I can feel safe and good about the boundaries that are working for us. He gave me a million hugs and smiles and was just the most comforting person on the planet.

I am a deeply romantic person, very much in love, and in a relationship that presents as totally heteronormative. I have felt a lot of pressure to try and fit into that norm. Meanwhile not only could I not relate to straight couples, I couldn’t relate to LGBTQ couples either. Given how I present so hetero I had a lot of imposter syndrome in describing myself as Ace. It felt really isolating and impossible sometimes. I’ve spent ages at odds with myself feeling that my lack of sexual attraction, non existent libido, and repulsion towards sex were these horrible defects and made me a terrible partner. For my husband to accept me without hesitation and to be so completely affirming felt like the most radical and unfathomable act of love.

Nearly all my friends are LGBTQ and a few are neurodiverse. Having their support, learning from their experiences, and also reading everyone’s experiences on here and Aven’s forums have been truly invaluable. I know it’s cheesy but I just want to say thank you to the community at large.

With all the awful things happening in the world it felt important to share at least one happy thing. 💜

https://redd.it/1q9wgn4
@asexualityonreddit

Question About Writing an Asexual Character

Hello all! I'm writing a book that involves an asexual character and had a question that involves a hypothetical. Asexual women will probably have more to say on this since the character in question is a cis woman but anyone is welcome to answer! So, say you're the heir to a royal lineage and you are expected to one day have children of your own. How would you feel about this? Would your feelings change as the day of your ascension to the throne grows nearer? What would you do in response to learning this information?

Also, some more general questions: when did you learn you were asexual? When/how did you learn about how babies were made and how did you feel about this information?

Sorry if some of these questions are silly to ask, I do have ideas for how the character feels and what she does but I want to make sure that I'm being accurate and respectful with the character. Thank you for taking the time to read and looking forward to learning from your answers!

https://redd.it/1q9vfn7
@asexualityonreddit

I love it when my friends are trying so hard to explain sexual terms to me, and I just pretend to not understand anything they say.
https://redd.it/1qa682m
@asexualityonreddit