this is how I found out cupcake is Asexual
https://redd.it/1xn57f9
@asexualityonreddit

ابحث عن زواج قائم على الموده في السعودية (المنطقة الغربيه)

أنا رجل سعودي، العمر 38 سنة، جاد في البحث عن شريكة حياة ناضجة ومتفاهمة، تؤمن بأن الزواج يمكن أن يقوم على المودة والاحترام والتعاون والاستقرار الأسري.
أبحث عن امرأة تتوافق معي في الرغبة في حياة زوجية هادئة، بعيدة عن التركيز على العلاقة الجنسية التقليدية، مع وجود رغبة مشتركة وصادقة في تكوين أسرة وإنجاب أطفال وتربيتهم في بيئة مستقرة ومحبة.
أرحب بالتعارف الجاد مع امرأة لديها توجه مشابه، سواء كانت لاجنسية (Asexual) أو تفضل الزواج غير التقليدي القائم على التفاهم والرفقة.
أؤمن بأهمية الصراحة والوضوح والاتفاق المسبق على الحقوق والواجبات وطبيعة العلاقة.
ملاحظة: أنا متزوج حاليًا وفي حالة شبه انفصال، وأحرص على الوضوح الكامل بشأن وضعي الزوجي قبل أي ارتباط جديد.
الهدف: زواج جاد، واستقرار، وتكوين أسرة.

https://redd.it/1xn10jp
@asexualityonreddit

I'm not ace so can't really tell if this is actually funny, but made it for ya'll
https://redd.it/1xn8etw
@asexualityonreddit

advice from other ace people please ref my partner <3

New to this community hopefully looking for some help processing and understanding my partner.

Me F(27) and him M(31) have been together for 5 years. we have always both had a lower sex drive than the average person and is one of the things which drew me to him in the first place and made us so compatible.

Recently I have noticed that our sex life has been a little more slow. which is totally fine by me considering sex is not at the top of my radar by any means. it was impacting me as I felt like any attraction and closeness was gone. I didn’t feel like he was complimenting me, wanting to make out, be near me etc so I raised this looking to see if something had changed.

From this he has admitted he thinks he might be Asexual. he has expressed he is still processing all of this and working out the answers for himself but based off of what I have so far i’m struggling to process it all and (i’m aware selfishly) struggling not to take this personally and feel undesirable.

He’s said he loves me and is attracted to me as a person and finds me pretty but the sexual desire and attraction isn’t there- to me or to anyone. And that he enjoys the aspect of sex which is me getting pleasure from it, but has no desire to do it himself and doesn’t have a want to go through the actions of sex. following 5 years together where we have had a healthy sex life which I thought was working for both of us in finding it super hard to process where this leaves us and what the past of our relationship has even meant to him/if it all has been fake. as well as where this leaves us moving forwards.

Anyone who is part of this community and can provide stories/advice/opinions to help me with this moving forward would be great. I want to be there for him and really don’t want this to be something which ends our relationship.

EDIT: just to add to this- from what i’ve read a lot of ace people don’t have a desire for sex but still enjoy phsyical closeness- cuddles kissing etc, when asked he didn’t seem keen on making out etc either. this may be my lack of understanding so any views on this from personal experience too would be great x

https://redd.it/1xn7oqp
@asexualityonreddit

Being asexual as a very tall man with an attractive face has messed up my life
https://redd.it/1xn9yf0
@asexualityonreddit

49M relationship with 35F of about 5 months. How do I handle this without damaging what we already have?

Hello everyone,

I am hoping to get some perspective on this situation from others, especially any women who may have been on the other side of this situation.

I have tried posting this elsewhere, but I have come to realize with us both being asexual, the advice is umm, less than helpful.

I am 49M and met this woman, 35F about five months ago, we both fall on the asexual spectrum, but not aromantic and we have since become extremely close. We have quite literally had contact every single day since the day we met. We can talk about pretty much anything and everything under the sun and then some. She has become and extremely important part of my life and while I can't pretend to know what her feelings are, I think she feels the same way about our friendship.

About two months after we had met, there were some sort of feelings more than a friendship starting on my end, but I was also quite happy with the friendship and told her so. She said at that time that she was glad that I was happy with the relationship and that she hoped the other feelings would resolve or be redirected.

I respected that and we have remained friends and I have been quite happy with the friendship, I haven't been sitting around hoping that she might change her mind.

But as so many things do in life, things have become much more complicated than that since then. We have continued to get closer, we spend more time talking on the phone, going places together, we have closer physical contact, a lot of which she initiates, for example she has started putting her arm around me during pictures, something I never started initially, but follow with and enjoy. Her hugs seem to be a bit more intense as well lately. We tend to plan things as we, when we tell other people that we are going to be at an activity, we tend to say we will be there, not I will be there. I mean there is a lot where I can see how we could already be seen as a couple.

I know that this doesn't automatically mean that she has developed romantic feelings, I mean some people are just affectionate with their close friends and I am not trying to read something into it that isn't there.

But at the same time, many people seem to be seeing us as a couple, sometimes it is subtle like when we went to a group activity and there was an empty chair next to me, a person tried to sit in it and another person stopped them and said it was my friend's seat. And then other times it is far more obvious when they ask, like this past weekend someone asked me if she is my girlfriend and before I could say a word, she said we very much look like a couple and that we are cute together. I mean the correct answer would be no, but all that came out of my mouth was "We say we are just friends, but actions don't always seem to match."

But after that, I have been thinking about that question and I realize that I kind of want to be able to answer that question with a yes.

Which leaves me with quite the dilemma, I really doe value our friendship and what we have currently includes the vast majority of what I would want. We enjoy each other's company, have amazing conversations, do things together and generally seem to enjoy being a part of each other's lives.

It isn't like I think our friendship is something that isn't enough, again I love what we have and don't want to lose it. But at the same time there is a part of me that wants to explore the possibility of something more if she would be interested in doing so. We both tend to have a bit different view from what is common on relationships, so I also recognize if we did, the relationship may vary from what most people would think of.

We also had a recent conversation about what happens with close friendships when one person starts dating someone else. I think the conversation went well and we both came away with a bettering understanding of each other's viewpoint. But it got me to thinking that while on the surface it seems like the safest thing is to just

let the friendship be what it currently is and never push for something more, that isn't necessarily the case because the friendships can change due to other external forces and then if that happens, was it worth not pursuing something more just to feel safe?

Which brings me back to the dilemma of what to do. I mean there is part of me that wonders if some of the things she does are her way of signaling that maybe something has changed from her view, but I am not sure and I know none of you can tell me what she actually feels. I am not asking for that or even how to convince her to date me, if she isn't interested, I would certainly respect that boundary.

What I am looking for is some advice on how to handle these feelings while respecting what she said previously and at the same time gently try to ask if maybe those feelings have shifted while still preserving the friendship we have, especially if those feelings haven't shifted.

In particular, I would really like to hear from anyone who has experience with such things, but especially women who may have been on the other side of this.

Some things I would like to know is how did you decide if you should discuss your feelings again or work through them privately? And if you did talk about them, what helped to preserve the friendship afterward if the other person wasn't interested?

https://redd.it/1xnansi
@asexualityonreddit

Finding my libido repulsive

Do you ever get like really horny for a short while and then the rest of the time you're not you just look back at the time you were and get really grossed out or is that just me? 🤦

It's like going out with friends and getting crazy drunk and doing a bunch of stupid stuff you shouldn't have only to sober up the next day and immediately regret everything.

https://redd.it/1xn4csb
@asexualityonreddit

I hope this is allowed because it is political
https://redd.it/1xndz1k
@asexualityonreddit

Etiquetas arroace en Wattpad
https://redd.it/1xnfpbp
@asexualityonreddit

when I was younger, like 17-18 I used christianity and conservative values as an excuse to be asexual. am I the only one?

basically the title

https://redd.it/1xn3io1
@asexualityonreddit

What are things allosexuals do/say that you just can’t comprehend or understand?

I try to understand but some things just confuse me.

Their connections or disconnections of sex to love is the most confusing point that I encounter. Hookup culture, one night stands, friends with benefits, etc etc. Also, how they view sex in relationships. Many of them say “I need sex and intimacy to be happy in a relationship.” I get that on a rational level, but deep down all I heard when it was said to me is “for me to be happy, I need access to your genitals.”

Does anyone else struggle with this? I see a lot of talk of them not understanding us but I’m sure it goes both ways too, right?

https://redd.it/1xn1lg3
@asexualityonreddit

Help?

Hi, So I’m questioning myself. I guess that’s a normal thing right?

Kinda long but please read.

So let me explain myself. Today I had a man approach me in a small diner in the town I live in, I was just picking up food for my grandma and I for dinner, he came on very strong and evaded my personal space a lot, and he just was not cute at all. He was also visibly older than me which I’m not a fan of men older than me, I’m 25 I just feel more comfortable with people around my age. Anyway he came off really strong and I just did not want to be bothered, I wasn’t attracted to him and I didn’t want to talk. He repeatedly asked for my phone number and I went silent and just ignored him. unfortunately I had to sit there for 30 minutes of him bothering me as I waited for my food (I walked there so I couldn’t got sit outside in a car or anything). This same exact scenario seems to happen every now and then, an older man I’m not interested in will bother me and not take a hint until I get pissed off.

Anyway this where my questioning starts. I tell my cousin about this, she strongly thinks I’m asexual because she’s seen me not really show interest in people when I’m approached when we’re hanging out together, again always older men. Thing is, I’ve always believed I am attracted to people, mostly men but I’ve definitely Questioned Bi to then be sure I’m straight, I like romance books and I find quite a lot of people attractive when I’m out and about. But I’m not very social, and I struggle with thinking I’m not attractive, so I don’t often approach the people I do find cute. There’s a few times I have and have been rejected but I know how to take it unlike some people. I will also add in, I haven’t dated before. I do know that asexuality basically means I’m not sexually attracted to people. But I want kinds one day or at least I think I do, I just don’t want a man child to also take care of.

But like now I’m questioning myself, am I actually sexually attracted to people or not? I don’t know. I guess I’m just curious if people who do now know that they’re asexual, have felt this way before. How did you know for sure you weren’t attracted to anyone? I don’t want to be alone forever but why is it so hard to convince myself that I’m worth it? I know I can’t stop older men from approaching me but i just find people irritating quite often.
I hope any of this makes sense at all, I’m not the best at this stuff.

Am I just annoyed or am I asexual?

https://redd.it/1xni5uf
@asexualityonreddit

What does extreme touch aversion feel like?

Currently reading something about an extremely, indiscriminately touch-averse aroace character, and having a lot of trouble wrapping my head around *that* level of touch aversion (*always* being viscerally repulsed by it, no matter how close you are with the person or what emotions you're having in that moment) - especially since the character doesn't really describe the experience; just asserts it repeatedly as a simple "I hate that, and won't ever not hate that" fact.



Feeling very dumb and hypocritical for not being able to understand that, but genuinely trying to, so any personal perspectives, or maybe recommendations of media that gets into it more explicitly, would be very valuable!

https://redd.it/1xnh1fn
@asexualityonreddit

Polish-language survey – asexual and non-asexual participants wanted (18+) men and non-binary participants wanted (18+)
https://redd.it/1xniq1y
@asexualityonreddit

What's the point, when you feel no different

Being Ace and an introvert has amazing perks. Such as not caring about being with others for sexual reasons. Most people don't even know how to be friends. Tons of people are constantly going on and on about having a more enjoyable life just because there's people in it. It just seems like they want to be wanted. It just seems like the more they feel needed in other people's lives, the more valuable they are in general. Is that basically it? Do people just want to be valued by other people? Is that like their life's purpose just to be of need by others and then judged positively by those others?

A human can never truly understand how much they value anything when they still need whatever it is they're evaluating. People act like they need friendship, instead of just wanting or desiring friendship. Most humans aren't even willing to be friends, they just pretend and play their role in order to gain whatever it is that is desired.

When a person has no need to establish a relationship of any kind with another, in order to gain value. Why even bother? If you're communication skills are good enough and your charisma is high enough. It's quite easy to accommodate basic needs such as being a human in society. It's quite easy to get your needs met and your desires fulfilled by a combination of different humans.

People are always trying to find that one person that they can do so many things with. There's over a million humans that speak the same language. Why bother with all the struggling just to find that one human when they can easily be replaced with a hundred other humans at different intervals of life? So many people put on facades and acting various ways just to be accepted as a fellow human.

Honestly I find humans to be quite interchangeable. I have zero attachment style. I don't avoid getting attached. I'm just unable to attach myself. I don't even have addictions. I learn about asexuals wanting relationships for cuddling and being understood being heard and just living in proximity with each other. Logically I comprehend those things. I just can't understand those things. Much like a computer comprehending ones and zeros, it doesn't understand what a one or a zero is nor the difference.

This human body I sometimes pilot can feel warmth and physical pressure such as touch. Yet I feel nothing from the experience. It's like living vicariously through this human interface. I can't access the full range of this human body's emotions.

Why do people act like people aren't just interchangeable Androids with different knowledge different memories (which is also knowledge) and different capabilities?

https://redd.it/1xniopk
@asexualityonreddit

Question from Down Under
https://redd.it/1xnmou5
@asexualityonreddit

Aesthetic attraction is so annoying hear me out

I'm 21M and I've identified as asexual for about a year now. One thing that still confuses me sometimes is just how strongly I experience aesthetic attraction, especially towards men.

I find certain men, particularly those with muscular physiques, REALLY nice to look at. In fact, during my teenage years, I genuinely thought I was gay because of how much I appreciated men's appearances. It was only later that I realised finding someone physically attractive doesn't necessarily mean experiencing sexual attraction towards them. 😭

For example, today I was waiting for my drink at a coffee shop when a muscular guy walked in. His physique immediately caught my attention, and I kept finding myself drawn to how nicely shaped his muscles were.

The confusing part? I think I experienced a tiny bit of physical arousal while looking at him.

But here's the thing: I had absolutely no thoughts about wanting to have sex with him, touch him, kiss him, see him naked, or do anything remotely sexual. I just thought his muscles were really beautiful to look at. That's literally it. 😭

Another time, I was at a medical centre getting my blood drawn, and I thought the guy helping me was incredibly cute and good-looking. But within about 5–10 minutes, that initial fascination with his appearance had completely disappeared. By the time I left, I could barely even remember what he looked like. 😅

It's experiences like these that sometimes make me second-guess myself.

I know aesthetic attraction and sexual attraction aren't the same thing, and I still identify as asexual because I don't recognise experiencing sexual attraction towards anyone.

But sometimes my aesthetic attraction feels SO intense, especially when there's a little physical arousal involved, that I start wondering whether I'm confusing the two.

Does anyone else experience aesthetic attraction this intensely, sometimes even with physical arousal?

And for those who do, how do you personally distinguish aesthetic attraction from sexual attraction without constantly second-guessing yourself?

I'd genuinely love to hear other ace people's experiences because sometimes I feel like my eyes and the rest of my brain are operating on completely different wavelengths. 😭💜

EDIT: Also, since I'm a guy who's mainly aesthetically attracted to men, would that fall under gay-oriented aroace? Can aesthetic attraction alone count, or is there more to it? Curious to hear from other oriented aroaces!

https://redd.it/1xnnt9t
@asexualityonreddit

Everything about love..?

Being asexual and aromantic is a trait I learnt to accept with myself. At first I was sad to never be able to experience love but also I feel free from all the expectations society has on me, because I have finally learnt that neither a relationship of any kind nor kids will ever play a role in my life which leaves me free and independent.
What I find hard however ist finding a group that I can fit in. At first I thought, yay I’m part of LGBTQIA+, so actually it should be easy to finally be part of a community that understands me. But then I realized how much revolves around love everywhere.
When people say that the only thing that matters is love, I cannot relate. I have never been in love. I assume that love feels good but also I have seen love turning quickly into hatred, disappointment or war. But who am I to say anything about love.
I feel like once again I’m not part of a bigger community, because I cannot celebrate love in any way.
Also it feels like in a neutral way that I’m basically a loner. I know I’m a good friend, I contribute to society a lot, I love spending my free time doing sports and being outdoor and I don’t harm anyone. Im happy.
Still it feels like I “don’t get” what everything else revolves around. Many conversations are about love, relationships, family, kids, weddings etc. And the LGBTQIA is mostly either about sex or love.
I feel left out once again and I wonder where I will ever fit in.

https://redd.it/1xnomul
@asexualityonreddit

Dating apps make me mad

I was on a dating app (also I think I flaired this right…I don’t know though lol) and someone tells me >!would you be willing to be less asexual!< and I’m like WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN. They told me being asexual is a dealbreaker for them so I unmatched them because if it’s a dealbreaker, why would I continue talking to them

https://redd.it/1xnp9yl
@asexualityonreddit