#Jokes
Instead of being cremated or buried when I die, I'd much rather my body to be cut into pieces and then sent to people I don't like.
Instead of being cremated or buried when I die, I'd much rather my body to be cut into pieces and then sent to people I don't like.
#Jokes
After years of research and studies NASA has found that the distance from sun to earth is equal to the distance from earth to sun. 😜
After years of research and studies NASA has found that the distance from sun to earth is equal to the distance from earth to sun. 😜
#Jokes
I hate people who take drugs, airport security for example.
I hate people who take drugs, airport security for example.
#Jokes
I said to a woman at work, "Are you doing anything this weekend?"
"No," she smiled.
"Good," I said, "get some rest, you look very tired."
I said to a woman at work, "Are you doing anything this weekend?"
"No," she smiled.
"Good," I said, "get some rest, you look very tired."
#Jokes
International climate talks in Berlin finished today with 185 countries reaching a major agreement to cut greenhouse gas emissions.
Then they all drove to the airport in 185 cars.
International climate talks in Berlin finished today with 185 countries reaching a major agreement to cut greenhouse gas emissions.
Then they all drove to the airport in 185 cars.
#Jokes
They say to never go shopping for food when you’re hungry but it’s been a week already and I keep getting hungrier and hungrier.
They say to never go shopping for food when you’re hungry but it’s been a week already and I keep getting hungrier and hungrier.
#Jokes
When i was younger i once beat up the school bully with a baseball bat. Both his arms were completely broken.
That is what gave me the courage to do it.
When i was younger i once beat up the school bully with a baseball bat. Both his arms were completely broken.
That is what gave me the courage to do it.
#Jokes
I wonder what happened to those people who asked me for directions!
I wonder what happened to those people who asked me for directions!
#Jokes
If you're going to argue publicly on a cellphone, be fair and turn the speakerphone on so everyone can hear both sides.
If you're going to argue publicly on a cellphone, be fair and turn the speakerphone on so everyone can hear both sides.
#Jokes
American kids are really looking forward to the summer holidays
No more studying or getting shot at until the Autumn.
😜
American kids are really looking forward to the summer holidays
No more studying or getting shot at until the Autumn.
😜
#Jokes
My dad has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the Zoo.
My dad has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the Zoo.
#Jokes
Burglars broke into my house last night and said they were searching for money...
So I laughed and searched with them
Burglars broke into my house last night and said they were searching for money...
So I laughed and searched with them
#Jokes
An immigrant ran up to me and asked, "What is time?"
"To gain more understanding of the subject, you should read Stephen Hawking's books," I replied.
An immigrant ran up to me and asked, "What is time?"
"To gain more understanding of the subject, you should read Stephen Hawking's books," I replied.
#Jokes
I have an amazing ability to find things just before people lose them.
The police, however, insist on calling it theft.
I have an amazing ability to find things just before people lose them.
The police, however, insist on calling it theft.
#Jokes
I was sitting drinking coffee in my slippers this morning, when I thought to myself...
I really need to wash some mugs.
I was sitting drinking coffee in my slippers this morning, when I thought to myself...
I really need to wash some mugs.
#Jokes
Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realise you haven't fallen asleep yet.
Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realise you haven't fallen asleep yet.