I spent three hours preparing for the date and he came wearing this:

"Finest guy in the village,
The village with two houses

One house is for him to live in
The other is for him to shit in"

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I wouldn't say that things are going badly, but I could use a little help right now

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— What are your plans for 2024?
— To shoot myself. I feel very bad. I am currently looking for a revolver with one bullet. Do you have one?
— ...
— Very bad. I could give you something in exchange. A saber. A dagger. Are you interested in such things?

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I want to be creamated

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Me in school watching my political opinions fall apart as my hormone levels stabilise

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Me stretching every minute because my back keeps hurting from carrying all that awesome sense of humour.

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Anti-LGBT politicians

A cute femboy

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Am I butt?

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Shat

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Endoskeleton / Exoskeleton

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"Buns"

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How to apologise to cat so it forgives you

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MIM-104 Patriot operator trying to fight the most powerful erection in his life after getting confirmations for three shot down Su-34.
(22.12.2023, colored)

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Going upstairs to my apartment, see two electricians wearing fresh uniforms doing something in the electric box. Say: "Happy Secret Service day, gentlemen!"
— But it's tomorrow...

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Journalists at the president's press conference be like:

— You are going to a store to get some candy. You have a pistol and you see Hitler coming your way.
What do you do?

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The saddest part about the china tea sets, these sets sit forever in the cabinet. When my grandma died, and my grandpa died, then my other grandpa died. My other grandma — I haven't even seen her in my life, these china tea sets kept sitting in the cabinet.

If you have a china tea set in your house, go and unpack it. Drink from it! Enjoy it! Let it do what it was bought for. Live here and now, not some other time... There won't be other time.

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— Wanna hang out sometime?
— Thanks, but I already have friends.

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Come on beautiful we are going for a walkies for our stupid phymsical and memtal health

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Gnome deniers be like:

This mess is my own fault

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How a christmas elf looks at me after I wished for Santa to slaughter 140 000 000 people

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Russian war criminals have killed 29 people and injured 150 more people across the whole country. It is a great tragedy for all of us. Each day more and more people are killed by these monsters. Each person killed has a name, has family and friends who will mourn their deaths. But the monsters have names, families and friends too. They will not go unpunished. Their crimes will not be forgotten or forgiven. They will face retribution for what they've done.