I feel like two parts of my brain are trying to fight eachother about that and I can't keep trying to reason with my impulsive thoughts

Maybe blaming myself for my fuckups constantly wasn't the best course of action

Oh yeah, I actually need a note from a mental ward that I am mentally healthy to work with government secrets

ok hand emoji

Maybe depression does not actually matter for that - I sure do hope so

But yeah, kind of ironic

Also I feel like I have been ranting for almost an hour with no emotional relief

So I'm just gonna continue until I fall back asleep

Or until I get tired and realize that I could have spent all this time I've been whining to get attention doing something more productive

please elaborate

https://xn--r1a.website/punishmemommycelestia/945
TBH I would tell him not to do that stuff but that would make me literally the biggest hypocrite.

"that stuff" meaning..

We beat ourselves down into a bloody pulp, being our own worst enemies

Honestly I am not doing that

I'm just sitting here doing nothing

Or rather have been all this time

3 months wasted completely

Oh wait I mean 2 months, forgot how to count

Has it really been nothing though?

Yeah basically